Saturday, October 04, 2003
Emoticons?...from Pete N.
We all know those cute little computer symbols called
"emoticons,"
where:
:) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are
represented by :-)and :-( respectively.
Well, how about some "assicons"? Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
We all know those cute little computer symbols called
"emoticons,"
where:
:) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are
represented by :-)and :-( respectively.
Well, how about some "assicons"? Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_*_) a sore ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_E=mc2_) a smart ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
A Sydney Oldie but Goodie...From Pete N.
(helps if you know something about Sydney harbor I reckon)
A young woman, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by
casting herself into the cold, dark waters of Sydney Harbour. As she
stood on the edge of the dock, pondering the infinite, a young sailor
noticed her as he strolled by. "You're not thinking of jumping, are
you?" he asked. "Yes, I am." replied the sobbing girl. Putting his arm
around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge.
"Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what, I'm sailing off for
Europe tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over
there? I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and
water every night and I'll look after you if you look after me."
The girl, having no better prospects, agreed and the sailor sneaked her
on board that night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor would come to her
lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her
until dawn.
Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine
inspection of the ship & its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to
find the startled young woman and demanded an explanation.
The young woman came clean; "I've stowed away to get to Europe. One of
the sailors is helping me out, he set me up in here and brings me food and
water every night, and.. ....well....... ...he's screwing me."
The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a small grin
cracked his face and he replied. "He sure is, this is the Manly Ferry"
(helps if you know something about Sydney harbor I reckon)
A young woman, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by
casting herself into the cold, dark waters of Sydney Harbour. As she
stood on the edge of the dock, pondering the infinite, a young sailor
noticed her as he strolled by. "You're not thinking of jumping, are
you?" he asked. "Yes, I am." replied the sobbing girl. Putting his arm
around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge.
"Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what, I'm sailing off for
Europe tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over
there? I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and
water every night and I'll look after you if you look after me."
The girl, having no better prospects, agreed and the sailor sneaked her
on board that night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor would come to her
lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her
until dawn.
Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine
inspection of the ship & its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to
find the startled young woman and demanded an explanation.
The young woman came clean; "I've stowed away to get to Europe. One of
the sailors is helping me out, he set me up in here and brings me food and
water every night, and.. ....well....... ...he's screwing me."
The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a small grin
cracked his face and he replied. "He sure is, this is the Manly Ferry"
Another Blonde Joke....from Pete N.
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a
bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he
yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear
a dumb blonde joke?"!!! The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you
tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are
blind, that you should know five things...
1 - The bartender is a blonde woman.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
4 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler, and
5 - I'm a 6 foot, 200 lb. blonde woman with a PhD., a black belt in
karate and a very bad attitude!
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?" The blind man
thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says; "Naaaah . . . not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a
bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he
yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear
a dumb blonde joke?"!!! The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you
tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are
blind, that you should know five things...
1 - The bartender is a blonde woman.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
4 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler, and
5 - I'm a 6 foot, 200 lb. blonde woman with a PhD., a black belt in
karate and a very bad attitude!
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?" The blind man
thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says; "Naaaah . . . not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Generic Drug Names...from George Z.
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic
name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of
acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is also called
amoxicillin and Advil is also called ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful
consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced
that it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also
considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud,
dixafix, and of course, ibepokin.
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic
name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of
acetaminophen. Aleve is also called naproxen. Amoxil is also called
amoxicillin and Advil is also called ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful
consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced
that it has settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also
considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud,
dixafix, and of course, ibepokin.
